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| Creepypasta Reviews - Sonic.exe/Round 2 |
A little more than a month ago, I finished making my first blog, the Top 10 Worst Creepypasta Plot-Twists. On it, Sonic.exe/Round 2 made it to 4th place, and I said it would get its own review. As you can see this was the only day of the year where I felt like I could do this story justice. As you can imagine I really, really dislike this creepypasta to an absurd degree.
I'm not even gonna bother hiding my thoughts on this story, it sucks. It really, really sucks. And believe me when I say that I'll get rather heated in this review. I have no choice. How bad is this creepypasta? I mean, assuming you don't already know. Well, I'll show you.
The Plot
If you're expecting the plot to be similar to the first story, you're dead wrong. In truth, outside of the antagonist being the exact same, the original story is mentioned only once. Now for someone like me, this is a relief. But for someone who actually likes the original story, this is a problem. Because I'm sure that one of the main reasons a fan of the first one would be reading this story. It doesn't have to be filled to the brim with fanservice, as that can get really bad too, but the first story needs more than just a mention.Unless this was an origin of where Sonic.exe came from or, anything like that, this is pointless. And to be brutally honest, if this had an origin for Sonic.exe, this plot would've been much better because of how terribly sloppy this is (Granted I doubt it'd be any good either way). Yes, there's an origin story to the disc, but that doesn't fix anything. Hell, it's going to make the story far, far worse.
Also, before I dig into how completely terrible this plot is, I wanna get this out of the way first. According to a comment by one of the users on the Trollpasta Wiki, which I'll link right here, that this story is a blatant ripoff of the creepypasta called "The Case of Stitch." From two male and female detectives investigating a series of murders to the male realizing he's unable to stop the killer from murdering, they're pretty damn identical. However, I'll be judging this story on its own faults, not the fact that it's a blatant ripoff. Firstly, I haven't read The Case of Stich. And secondly, there are many different faults with this story as it is, it would be complete overkill factoring this in.
Before I keep rambling, let's dive into how bad this plot is. And I can bring it up immediately by stating that the first fucking sentence has a plot-hole! "It's been more than a year now ever since the "Sonic.exe Murders" began to happen, and the police department STILL doesn't know who's doing it or why it's happening." This is complete bullshit in so many ways. Not only does the plot completely go against this, the chief contradicts his own sentence! He SAYS it's the Sonic.exe murders, the culprit is in the fucking title of the killings! Even people who haven't learned a second of law enforcement should know this, let alone someone who's gotten a Bachelor's, or hell possibly a Master's Degree in Criminology. As you can imagine, police chiefs aren't THIS incompetent.
After some sloppy writing that I'll get to later, the incompetent police chief starts telling us about Derek Green and his sister. He then starts reading the journal, immediately going into the story. Or at least that would be the case in a story that knew what pacing or tension was. Not for this story, not in the slightest.
Instead, they TELL US that the two detectives have died. First of all, what kind of police chief would simply tell us that they're dead??! It only suggests that he was a terrible boss and makes it seem more like a chief from a mediocre comedy series. And secondly, IT KILLS ALL TENSION! Due to this little line of dialogue, we know that our two main protagonists die. And in a horror story, a very important part is making sure you can bond with the main character, so when bad things happen to them you hope they can pass through the conflict, as the stakes for them are set really, really high. It doesn't work when you know the character's going to die, and it just makes them either read something else or find the rest of the story completely tedious at best.
"But HG, isn't this more of a mystery than a horror story?"
Possibly, the only problem is that if it was a mystery it would be far worse. Because not only do we already know that the detective is going to die in the end but we also already know who the killer is. We're learning about how he kills, but we don't care about that in a mystery, we just want to get from Point A to Point B. Regardless, I'm going to give this story the benefit of the doubt and say that this is supposed to be a horror story. Considering it's a creepypasta and all.
With that said, (bypassing some more evidence that this police chief duped the department to get his job) we move on to the actual plot. Yeah, the introduction barely has anything to do with the plot, if anything it's only hindering it. Calling it filler is an insult to filler because at least filler doesn't destroy one of your most important parts in your narrative! With that said I'll try to avoid the introduction as much as possible from now on or else it'll prove to be a huge distraction.
We then progress to the journal, where Derek introduces himself... in his journal. Even if you cut out the opening this still makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Let's compare it to say, Bram Stoker's 'Dracula', where it just says "Jonathan Harker's Journal," and then goes straight to the plot. You can use this time to do some exposition, not introducing people who we already know. Hell, John's Journal got this right! Not saying that creepypasta was good by any means, but it at least somewhat knew what it was doing.
Moving on to the second journal entry, Derek, and his sister are assigned to a case in time for Halloween. In which Derek writes down in his journal that this was their first case in a while. Yeah, no. There might not be that much of a schedule as a homicide detective, but murders happen day and night, each day, every year. They should be brought in a lot more often for a homicide case than just "once in a while." It's probably just nitpicking on my end, but this is why research is important when your story involves the police. Especially considering it's not restricted to stories like these either. Full-fledged novels sometimes have this problem.
With that out of the way, they uncover a kid who was violently murdered with a cut shaped like a number "1" (Or in other words a line) on his chest, and a destroyed computer. They bring it in to examine, and they find it's useless to the investigation and move on. Again, no. That doesn't happen here. Instead, they find that there was a file for a game named "Sonic.exe" despite them saying that there was nothing on the computer a sentence ago! Like, I don't even need to bring up the fact that you should proofread your own work. Unless you have tunnel vision, you should be very capable of seeing the fact that this sentence contradicts your previous one! It's called common sense, use it.
In the next journal entry, more murders have taken place, all of them labeled as numbers (And Derek tells us what we already know as most characters do in this story) and look a little less messy than before. At the end of the day, they're brainstorming what is going on (Even though he's just writing in his journal) about what's going on... and one of the most idiotic lines in the entire story is spat out. " “Sonic.exe”….That name reminds me of all the times me and Chelsea played some of our old Sonic the Hedgehog video games. I remember when we used to play Sonic Heroes, she always liked playing as Rouge the Bat and I always liked playing as Vector."
Like, I know that Sonic has a really large fanbase, but this is just fucking ridiculous. I have a large amount of doubt that someone in the police department would distinctly remember themselves playing Sonic Heroes. Let alone be nostalgic about it, because, well let's put it like this. At the time of this part of the story, it is 2011, and Sonic Heroes came out in 2004. Considering 21 is the bare minimum age limit of a homicide detective, the earliest they could've played Sonic Heroes was 14 years old. And even then, it's implied that they've been in the police force for a lot longer. I get it, they're trying to make this more personal, but this is just plain wrong on so many fucking levels. And all it really seems to do is just hammer in the point of how much this is just "SONIC SONIC SONIC! Blood. SONIC SONIC SONIC! More blood."
Though, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at this considering the last story. What I am surprised with though is the fact that they get the reference wrong. In Sonic Heroes, you couldn't play with one singular character, you played with a team of characters. Yes, you can toggle between characters in a team, but it's not like you can choose one character throughout the entire game, you have to constantly switch. I know I'm going to say this a lot, but for the love of god just do research. Yes, it might be nitpicking on my part, but when it comes to stories like these it's really easy to see the little aspects build onto each other, as well as the other major faults. And I'll get to that once the conclusion rolls around.
Thankfully, this is somewhat rectified by the next quote in the following journal entry, not to mention it's the one that kicks off this entry. "Another murder, big surprise there." I love this quote because it makes it so I barely need to touch on how repetitious this story is. The story is already doing it for me! Shame that the next paragraph goes from the best part of the story to one of the worst. As aside from the filibuster beginning, the only faults with the plot that a normal viewer would be how plain boring it is. Here, though, just look.
"Autopsy came in again, the doctors told us that aside from the wounds from the chest and mouth, the victims don’t seem to show any signs of a murder or a struggle, in fact, as baffling as it seems, all the victims appear to be in perfect health, apart from the fact that they’re “dead”."
W-what the fuck??! Okay, first of all, if the victim wasn't dead then they wouldn't perform an autopsy because that would kill him. Second, in a case like this, an autopsy isn't even required, there's already a bunch of evidence to support how the victims "died." And lastly, it makes the entire story just fucking implode on itself! If they're not dead then these aren't murders, and if they aren't murders then they wouldn't send homicide detectives to investigate them. And that's not even bringing up the fact that they wouldn't have a coroner's report due to them not being dead. Like, it honestly makes it seem like the author just used autopsy in his story because "it's a cool word," or some shit like that.
And this gets even worse when we find out that their brains and hearts are still functional, but they're in a dead-like state. Which again, a coma wouldn't be investigated by homicide detectives and an autopsy would kill them. And of course there's this line thrown in for good measure; "Who would be capable of actually stealing people’s senses of self? It’s like the Devil is handpicking innocent people and robbing them of their souls for eternal damnation."
Once I first saw this, I was speechless. While edgy is an overused adjective when it comes to the internet, I have to say that it definitely applies here. It might not be Blood Whistle levels of edgy, but it's up there. Oh yeah, and WHAT KIND OF DETECTIVE TALKS LIKE THIS??! I know that you're trying to make the main villain seem "imposing", but you're doing the opposite. Instead, it's just becoming one step away from lines in a Papa Roach song.
Continuing this constant spiral of shit, the next journal entry reveals that Chelsea, Derek's sister, has been acting strangely, but Derek doesn't approach her because that's what competent partners do. Okay, I know that I didn't want to address the beginning a lot in this review, but I have to now. Due to the reveal that both of them died, there's no suspense whatsoever in this. What makes it worse is that it's trying to act suspenseful regardless. We know Chelsea's gonna die, we know that she's playing the Sonic.exe disc, and we definitely know that the Sonic.exe disc kills the ones who play it. So why bother playing it up for suspense? I'm not asking a rhetorical question, I legitimately do not understand.
The cult of X is brought in before Derek has a realization that we had far before he did, and I'd also like to point out that he wrote the fact that he remembered something in his journal. Because that's exactly what you'd write in a journal, let alone notes for a police investigation. And again, instead of immediately going into her room after realizing that Sonic.exe was trying to kill her, he writes his shock in the journal and puts in the ellipses!
For fuck's sake, does the author even know how journals work? Let alone detective notes. You have to think before you write stuff down, not just putting in whatever pops in at the top of your head. Then again, this story exists, so I don't expect that lesson to have been learned. Also, as I'm sure you have been able to tell from how this story has been laid out, every single character is a complete, fucking, dimwitted moron. Yes, in a scary story you can expect the main protagonist to make a few mistakes in the story, but they at least need to be logical. And that's something this story doesn't seem to comprehend.
Another note, about the cult of X, I've seen this sort of thing before, it's called Call of Cthulhu! In case you didn't know, I am a really big fan of H.P. Lovecraft's work, I considering him an extremely talented horror writer and it was a shame he never got the praise he deserved during his lifetime. And this story seems very focused on capturing a Lovecraftian style of horror while the author clearly hasn't read a single one of his stories, which makes me completely irate. I'll talk about this more as we go along, but it continues to show how completely uninspired this creepypasta is. Thankfully, it decides to give us a break from all this bullshit and gives us easily the best quote of the entire story.
"The writing is a bit sloppy,"
And no, I didn't make that up or anything, it's on the actual story. It's meant to show how broken Derek was due to the death of his sister was, but it is simply too ironic for me to not laugh at it. But that's the only eventful part of this entry, as all Derek does is mope about the death of his sister and complain about the fact that the police chief was taking the evidence from the crime scene. Because he's obviously a good detective.
Also, going back to the plot-hole from earlier, it's funny how Chelsea's the only one who is specified to be dead rather than in a coma because everyone else it's really fucking difficult to find out which ones are deceased and which are still alive. During the "funeral party", Derek encounters the representative of the cult - Shannon Goldman. To my knowledge, it seems that people who don't like this story find her one of the better parts of it. In a way, I can see it, but in another way, I can't. I could be biased considering I've watched Yu Yu Hakusho and seen the "Cleanse the world" personality did perfectly by one of the villains, or it could be due to how overly cartoonish she is (Which describes just about everything in this story, if I may add), but I'm not particularly sure. What I am sure of is that the way she talks about X will make a better world might be a metaphor for something in the author's eyes.
Onto the next journal entry, where Derek is just now investigating Chelsea's room! It took you 7-8 days to investigate your murdered sister's room??! Surely you would've investigated the place when you got her fucking body to bury it! The story gets even less logical when Derek questions how Chelsea got the Sonic.exe game even though he figured it out days ago! My God, can you please just read what you wrote? Or even better, make a second draft!
The next journal Derek tells us of a nightmare he's had, in his case notes. I don't even care how unrealistic this story wants to be, that is fucking ridiculous on every single level, as the police headquarters would take that as him getting stressed. Or they'd just laugh their ass off, one of the two. And something the author seems to forget is that it's been trying to present itself as a somewhat realistic story from the start, and then just tosses that away later on. You pick one or the other and stick to it, it's not hard. Also, I just love this little gem; "…Why would Sonic want me to play a game that possibly killed my sister?"
I just find it absurdly hilarious because a detective that works for the police force would act like Sonic is a real, breathing person. Not to mention how I could see this working for terrible Sonic games like Rise of Lyric, him just popping up into your dreams and saying; "Play this game that may or may not kill you." I also feel like his mind having visions of Sonic the Hedgehog might be another metaphor.
It may seem like I'm stalling... And honestly, you're right. Mostly because it is getting to be this part of the story. Anyone who's read my Top 10 Worst Creepypasta Plot-Twists blog knows exactly where this story's gonna go.
"……Wait a minute….
What if this “X” weirdo is the killer?"
I legitimately slammed my head against my desk the first time I read this, as once again it proves how Derek being a "master detective" is a gigantic fucking lie. We already figured out that X was the killer a long time ago, yet the story's attempting to make it seem like a shocking reveal. Obviously, it's not shocking in any sense of the word, it's tedious as hell. And it's really sad when the worst Scooby-Doo mysteries are better constructed. An animated kids show is better constructed than this narrative desperately trying to take itself seriously.
Not to mention the fact that the cult has just been in the background of this entire story, so it's extremely difficult to care. Let alone it being difficult to care due to how monotonous this entire story has been, with the same type of killings over, and over, and over. Repetition may be a dreadful part of reality, but in a story, you have to spice it up other than simply saying "And then another murder happened." If you don't it becomes stale, redundant, and uneventful. Nobody wants to read a story that falls under either of those traits.
Next journal entry, however, really surprised me. As this one seemed to have gotten facts on the police force right. Derek is taken off the case by the police chief due to Chelsea's death, which would most likely happen in a real case. When a detective's case becomes personal it is almost principle to get them off the case. Though, it's hard for me to give this story any credit on that end as it seems like they got that fact right by complete accident. If it was intentional I'm sure that the chief would've let Derek off the case earlier, and would have actually taken Derek's notes on the case. Of course, considering this police chief is incompetent and forged his Bachelor's Degree out of string and paper towels, he doesn't do either of those things. At least for me, I've got the evidence, evidence pointing towards every character being a fucking moron. Trust me when I say that I'll be saying that a lot during this review because it keeps recurring and it becomes grating quick.
Supporting this, even more, is that the chief didn't get Chelsea's notes on the case either. Also, I love the fact that he says that "The Boss" is contacting him secret information about this case despite the fact that the boss wasn't called and I'm 99% sure that a homicide detective's boss would be a police chief. I mean, it mostly depends on the location that this takes place, but it's still horrendous. The police department isn't a desk job, I shouldn't even need to tell you that. Even worse is this could be completely cut out from the story as "The Boss" doesn't do anything other than telling us what Derek and the audience already know, and Derek just decides to solve the case himself. Lose the padding, it's that simple.
Next update on the journal, Derek gets a friend request from Cole, and despite the fact that they could very well be a troll or virus, Derek accepts the request anyway. Cole tells Derek to get the evidence from the police station, and for some reason, he goes along with it and pays the station a visit in order to steal the evidence for himself. Derek, you do know that stealing evidence is a felony right? One that could get you up to 20 years in prison? What makes this even more insulting is that it's played out like stealing a chocolate bar from a candy store. Y'know, it's not like there are cameras all over the fucking place in a police station that would catch you stealing evidence! Of course, nobody does that, including the chief that was suspicious because everyone is a moron.
It only gets worse once Cole explains how the cult operates, they get the Sonic.exe disc on the shelves of any kind of shopping platform, where someone buys the game they become the owner until X kills him/her, and then the game is distributed once more. To quote Derek from earlier on in the story; "BULLSHIT." Not only would there be no chance in hell they could get this game in say; a Gamestop or a Pawn Shop. Plus with all of the Craigslist murders it would draw suspicion there too. Even more importantly, this is all reliant on people going "OH MAI GOD A NEW SONIC GAME??! I HAVE TO BUY IT!" Yes, the Sonic fanbase can get really obsessed with the blue blur, but that's really pushing it. If anything they'd get rather irritated that a bootleg for their beloved mascot exists.
Think about it like this; let's compare some of the most heinous cults in history to this (And for the record, in no way am I making these cults seem like a good thing. I'm just using them as a frame of reference, and I apologize if you're offended by this). The People's Temple? Manipulated their members to drink cyanide-laced Kool-Aid after they were supposedly "trapped". Manson Family? Used an apocalypse theory to convince members to attempt instigating a race war. Cult of X? They put a Sonic.exe disc up for sale and hope that someone will pick it up. Good fucking god, that's like, the equivalent of trying to kill someone by asking them to hold a bomb.
It only escalates into a further spiral of shit when Derek decides to play the game because logic, what's that??! Like, he knows that the game killed his sister. He knows that the Cult of X is attempting to kill those who play the game. Yet he decides to check it out anyway. Doesn't help that most of it are just recycled from the first story, just with a change in characters and a small bit of their behavior. I'm just gonna skip past the Shadow segment in the Sonic.exe game because of it, as it doesn't deserve my attention, and I'd just soundtrack it with "Screw you." Besides, we're getting to the undoubtedly worst part of the story.
Derek interacts with Cole a bit more on Skype, and Cole tells him that... Okay, you know what, fuck it. I'll let the story speak for itself, I can't even describe it.
"Sonic.exe is a monster. No, not the monsters you see in horror films or video games, he is a REAL monster. And he’s not just any monster apparently. Cole told me that X is a supernatural being from another dimension. How fucking crazy is THAT?! But it’s true. It has to be. X has this power to control all of reality in his realm, and he is unable to do the same in our world because he can’t enter it.
So some time ago someone made a game disc that would serve as a window between X’s world and ours, anyone who plays it gets a front row seat of what X’s dimension looks like, and it is HELL. Not literally Hell, but pretty freaking close! Over time after someone plays X’s game, X sends out a plushie of Sonic to act as a spy for him, then when the time is right, X is able to open the window for a short time and pull people into his world where they are trapped forever.
This is how he’s able to kill people so easily without anyone noticing, he comes out of the computer, pulls the soul outta the person’s body and then goes back into the computer to retreat into his dimension. There, he can make the soul he captured his slave for all eternity."
Where do I even begin? How about we start with the fact that a master detective is going along with the fact that X is a supernatural being. I don't even care if that's right in the story, no detective on Earth would go along with this no matter how inept they are. As for the game, my thought still applies, on how they're so reliant on someone being completely obsessed with Sonic including any non-official works that they still need to pay for in order for this "master plan" to work properly. Also, my religion and mythology is a little off, but as far as I'm aware a soul is meaningless to keep around without a body. Also, if X can't enter our world then how is he able to carve the victim's bodies? But most importantly, well;
I'm not joking either, this is truly the most ludicrous idea I've ever heard. It seems so desperate to make this "god Sonic Gary Stu" a level of unimaginable power like Lovecraftian works, but this doesn't deserve to be in the same multiverse as H.P. Lovecraft. The magic of a short horror story is that you usually don't need to keep it tied to reality. Keyword being usually. There are lines you still shouldn't cross, and an evil Sonic grouped with an evil cult sending out a spy plushie to kill disturbingly obsessed fans of the Sonic franchise is definitely one line you don't want to cross.
The worst part about all of this as said earlier, Derek goes along with all of it. I mean, it's not like he was a crazed, tinfoil hat wearing nutball at the start of the story, he just goes along with it because the story demands him to. Oh yeah, and the fact that every single character is a gigantic fucking moron! The fact that I've had to say that four different times is just sad. Before I go completely spastic let's move on to the next journal entry.
In this one X has reached his 29th murder, with the victim being a middle-aged man named Paul... who played Sonic Adventure 2 to stay sane. Because that's how psychology works, it is immediately cured by playing some Sonic games. Also, I love how it's so focused on elaborating these irrelevant victims and not the fact that Derek was nearly attacked by members of the cult. You need to keep the conflict in your story engaging, not just say "Oh yeah and they tried to attack me but whatever." That makes the entire conflict seem pointless.
Next journal entry, Derek recaps on what I had already talked about like 4 pages ago and decides that the police chief (Who still doesn't have a name apparently) is part of the cult because of the one time he did his job. I'm not even gonna bother with the fact that Derek's a really fucking incompetent detective because everyone in this universe is incompetent. As I said before, if a detective's case gets personal the police chief has the right to take him off the case, and he should take him off the case if that were to happen.
The spiral of hell continues onto the next journal entry, where that one mention of the first story I talked about takes place. In other words, the mention of the first story takes place 7 pages after the beginning of the sequel, as if the author knew that the fans of the first one would be bored out of their minds and they would need a desperate reminder that this is still Sonic.exe. And don't worry, for those like myself who don't like the first story, they still manage to fuck it up. As it says that Tom had hanged himself weeks before gaining the package of the game sent by his friend Kyle.
Yes, despite the fact that in the first story Tom said that the name "Kyle" was just a pseudonym for his friend so he didn't need to say his actual name, apparently his canon name is actually Kyle. And giving a pseudonym that is the exact same as your name is a complete waste. Making this entire thing disloyal to the original story, which was the last thing I expected to happen. And it gets worse by what was said before.
I usually save the writing faults for later on the review, but I have to bring it up now. Due to the fact that no comma was added, it makes it seem like Tom hung himself before gaining the package, meaning that it would make the entire first Sonic.exe story to be completely false. It's just those little details that make your story nonsensical, which is why you proofread! So let me summarize this for you, the author of this story is making a callback to a previous story that he made, and he gets the callback wrong.
Of course, Derek gets all pissy about that because that's how all detectives operate, and then he continues to play the game. This time he takes control of Sally, and... I was going to skip this like I did with Shadow's segment, but this time it has a special kind of insulting. As this scene with Sally going completely insane, is only there in an attempt to cross a fan-story with the official canon. Naturally, I use the word "canon" very loosely because it barely has any continuity with anything. But honestly, the fact that this is stooping to referencing a fan-sequel makes this seem really desperate. Also, X's dialogue makes him seem like an over-the-top villain from 60s comic books. And you might have noticed that I haven't been slamming this part like I have earlier, and that's because this story has literally been draining on my soul. Like, for fuck's sake I had to stop writing this for a moment and re-read Autopsy Room Four by Stephen King in order to be reminded of what horror is supposed to be like. Autopsy Room Four isn't even one of my favorites of his stories, yet I still managed to get my senses back... Too bad this is gonna get even worse.
Apparently from what Cole tells Derek, the reason that they are portrayed as Sonic characters, their favorite Sonic characters because it needs to bring up Chelsea somehow. If it didn't bring up Chelsea, it wouldn't be here. Though at least it puts an end to the monotony that is the recycled mess of the game getting displayed. Even then, pick your poison. Doesn't matter anyway, because the next journal entry is the epitome of written poison.
The next journal entry, more information is given about X, which includes that he has 7 guardians representing emotions. I'm not fucking kidding, they also each have Japanese names and are there to "maintain order" along with convincing people to play Sonic by manipulating their emotions. I'm just going to call them for what they are, these are the Seven Deadly Asspulls. Their only purpose is to make X seem "all-mighty" when all that happens is it makes X look more like a god Gary Stu character. I say that because they're never brought up again.
Only to further this story's journey into written hell, Derek asks how Cole knows so much about the cult. Cole responds that he was a member of the cult, and when he tried to stop them, he got stuck in X's world. In other words, Cole is using Skype through a different hell dimension. In other words, not only are they able to stay connected because of Deus Ex Machina on drugs, but this also makes it seem like X has free WiFi like this is a fucking fast food restaurant.
Remember, this isn't some over-the-top trollpasta meant to be terrible, this is played straight. Normally this would allow people to laugh harder at that fact, but I'm physically in pain. With that said, onto the next journal entry, where X ended up killing Cole and changing his username on Skype to X. Even though, you can't do that. You can only change your nickname on Skype, as far as I'm aware your Skype username is permanent. While X spams "HA" over and over enough times to make him even less threatening than he already was, Derek shatters the screen of his monitor with his bare hands because I don't even know anymore. There's literally no point in questioning it.
Derek recaps everything we already knew and takes his leave in an attempt to stop X, stealing more of the evidence that the police force needs in the process because he's a terrible detective. Considering the beginning we already know how this ends. And if you think it's over now... Unfortunately for all of us, it's not. There's still an audiotape where it depicts Derek's death. Apparently, he had shattered the disk (Why he didn't do that earlier is beyond me), but Goldman revealed that it wasn't the original one, so X still thrives. And then it's finished off with, this little gem.
"X: (more clearly) READY FOR ROUND 2?
(then loud screeching noises are heard as the audio distorts more badly more, Derek is screaming, Sonic.exe’s is laughing as there is a loud tune playing sped up and in reverse and a loud, fast, drumlike rhythm booming loudly as the whole audio distorts and breaks up, finally ending in static)"
Not only is that completely non-threatening it also just makes this whole thing a gigantic waste of time. As if it wasn't already. It ends with the chief moping about how he was doing his job getting rid of Derek (Though I do have to agree that with everything else, he was still a shitty cop) and it ends with a plea from the police chief that, someone will finish this investigation. And to that, I say, GOD NO! We do not need another one of these shitty stories!
And that was the plot, I didn't want to recap the entire thing for obvious reasons, but I needed to point out literally everything wrong with this because otherwise, I'd have no idea where to begin. But my god; there was no logic anywhere in the story, it refused to stay focused on anything, every single character was nothing but a fucking moron, there's padding all over the fucking place, it gets almost every single detail of the law enforcement wrong, it breaks the continuity with the first story while attempting to cross a fan-story into the canon, ruining suspense and parts of the story as it goes along, twists that we all saw coming from a mile away, suddenly shoving new characters in our faces like the Seven Deadly Asspulls only to never see them again, and all of this while trying to make X seem as the big baddy of creepypasta villains and failing miserably to do so. With all of these faults, it is nearly impossible to even consider this a plot. More like a shambled mess with no thought or effort put into it, as the writer constantly beats it to the ground with a baseball bat.
The Content
Thankfully this time we don't have too much to rant on here. But when it comes to the content, it is not at all frightening. In fact, it might as well be anti-frightening. Mostly considering due to how incredibly monotonous it is. Each time this story attempts to throw a scare at you, it's always in the exact same way.The first attempt they try to pull off is with murders. Well, "murders", considering what I covered in the previous section. It wasn't scary the first time, and it doesn't get any scarier the forty-second time. As someone who's seen every possible way to murder someone in fiction and reality, there's literally no way to scare me on that front. Even if you're the most sadistic writer on the planet. Hell, as the story goes on the murders intending to scare you get less messed up as if the order was reversed at the last second.
The cultists aren't scary either because they don't do anything until the climax, or at least they don't seem to have a point because the story just doesn't care. Whenever they try to do something that could come off as off-putting, they're pushed to the side or aren't even mentioned other than "Something happened with the cult." And it really wouldn't matter because, as I've said before, real-life cults are scarier than the cult displayed here, including many I didn't even bring up. Because of this, it ends up in a similar vein to the murders. No matter what they just aren't scary.
And of course, we get to when Derek actually plays the Sonic.exe game. Ignoring the fact that 99.9% of viewers who haven't already turned back would do so immediately upon seeing this, it is just rehashing the first story. Only with even less tension, less shock-value, and more reasons to click on a new tab. Also doesn't help that a lot of this shit, among other instances like the Seven Deadly Asspulls, is only there to make X seem more powerful and nothing else. And instead of making us fear him, it makes X more of a Gary Stu than he already was. Which in turn makes the story even more hard to sit through, and makes me want to do this;
God damn, Balenaproductions is awesome.
Anyway, I know I'm repeating myself, but that's one of this story's biggest problems. Every single bit of it just intertwines with another, causing a tight knot of shit. And this knot of shit encompasses every single sentence of the story, plain and simple. Like I said, this might not have too much to rant about, but that's because it doesn't even try.
The Writing
Stories like these are the reason why I feel like splitting the writing into its own category is a necessity. This story is filled with the worst constant grammatical issues that I had issues deciding where to even begin. Though, one of the most recurring problems I'd like to bring up first is that some of the words are done with "internet lingo" as I call it. For example, most of the time when Derek tries to say "really" he instead says "rly." And I'm not going to say this is part of his character either because I have extremely high doubts any detective ever talked like this.Also, in true shitty creepypasta fashion, there's a ton of tense swaps all throughout the story. Not anywhere near as many as the first story, but still quite a few. I mean, there was even a tense swap during the first paragraph. Then we get to the sentences, you know how there are stories with such grand quotes like "After 5 minutes, I was able to touch me?" Well, it's more draining here because there's botched up sentences every paragraph. Let me just list off a few examples and tell me that you don't feel like upchucking your lunch.
"Each computer the victims had were somehow destroyed and had Sonic.exe inside the hard drives."
"What does they see in X, anyhow?"
"The main menu showed Sally I her TV screen,"
"Bodies have been starting to look like the victims just dropped dead or there were disappearances."
"Also, several news about people worshiping this guy recently."
And my personal favorite;
"And alot of what he wrote down seems to cconnect alot."
I really do hope I don't need to elaborate why these sentences make my brain collapse in on itself because anyone who at least has some knowledge of the English language should understand why. Though, what makes it laughable in stories like It Will Get Worse and not here? Well, let's start with the very, very obvious, the latter is like 10 times longer than the former. Also, these kinds of sentences are much more frequent than they were in It Will Get Worse despite the length, and we all know that jokes can get stale very quickly. It's no different here.
It's difficult to criticize grammar when it's in the perspective of the character, as that could just be the way that character talks, but when literally every single character cannot speak properly it's clear that the author is the one to blame. I also couldn't help but notice that this story makes writing in a journal seem like a Q&A. What with Derek asking questions as if he's like; "Do you know the answer me? The only person who will ever read my journal?" Lastly, I know this may be a nitpick on my part, but what the hell is with all of the ellipses? There's more here than there was in fucking Blood Whistle.
Now, picture all of those faults I just mentioned, only they're in every single sentence. And it's not just one at a time, they're all meshed together in one giant shitpile, straight out of the one shitpile in Jurassic Park. That picture in your head is pretty damn accurate to what the story actually looks like. And it just keeps going on, and on, and on. It's not as long as stories like Blood Whistle, but it sure does feel like it.
I distinctly remember one of the comments on this story's page on the Trollpasta Wiki, which asked "...Did a human being write this? I'm thinking it might have been an actual hedgehog." Honestly, I'd say he just might be correct. Text getting Google Translated from Chinese to English is better written than this. Any human being writing this mess is absurd. Hell, this is worse than an alpha draft that was written by a hobo across the street that was addicted to meth for 30 years.
Overall
This is without a doubt one of the biggest messes in the history of creepypasta. Everything about this story has been rushed without a shred of care put in, with the only halfway decent parts getting lost in an entourage of dull events, either that or the story literally doesn't care about it. It starts off terribly and ends off terribly, and it just goes on and on. It took me around 3 sittings to read this story the first time, and I think you can see why.And no, it's not anywhere close to the level of being so bad it's amazing. In fact, I'd say it's the polar opposite of that. It's so bad, so fucking repulsive, that it actually drains the reader's energy. And it's definitely drained mine, I can't even be angry at it anymore. It's just depressing that this exists and can be read. But it's so terrible that it makes the entire creepypasta genre look bad.
I'm not even going to ask if it deserves to stay on the creepypasta wiki because it doesn't deserve to be on any platform ever. If I were in charge of this creepypasta, I'd probably scrap the concept entirely. All this story proves to be is a shoddy attempt to make Sonic.exe relevant again, and congratulations you succeeded. Only it made him infamous rather than respected.
It's not the worst creepypasta ever made, but that's only because it takes actual effort to get that fucking bad. One thing is certain, though, it's hands down the worst video game creepypasta I've ever read. Simply because I feel like I took more time and effort making this blog than the author took making this story. And it's probably going to stay that way for a long, long time. If you ever choose to read this despite all that I've said, well, good luck. You're gonna need every ounce of luck possible to sit through this piece of trash. And, while I don't have as much of an ill-will against the author as others do, I have a few words to say;
The Plot (.5/10)
The Content (3/10)
The Writing (1/10)
Overall (1.5/10)
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Greetings! Appreciate you sticking around until the very end of this blog! It took me over a month to get this done, and I hope you found it somewhat entertaining. Do you have any thoughts on this review or creepypasta in question? Do you have a creepypasta you want me to review? Let me know in the comments below, and I'll definitely put it up for consideration. As for my next review? It really doesn't matter, I already know it'll be much better than this one.
Keep writing everyone, Happy Halloween, and I'm just gonna go in the corner and hope I'll never need to talk about Sonic.exe/Round 2 ever again.
Greetings! Appreciate you sticking around until the very end of this blog! It took me over a month to get this done, and I hope you found it somewhat entertaining. Do you have any thoughts on this review or creepypasta in question? Do you have a creepypasta you want me to review? Let me know in the comments below, and I'll definitely put it up for consideration. As for my next review? It really doesn't matter, I already know it'll be much better than this one.
Keep writing everyone, Happy Halloween, and I'm just gonna go in the corner and hope I'll never need to talk about Sonic.exe/Round 2 ever again.
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